Divorce is typically a sign that spouses no longer have a positive or healthy dynamic with one another. Unfortunately, divorce does not always lead to a clean break. Frequently, spouses have children together. They may have to spend years co-parenting with one another. That can be a very stressful and frustrating obligation. Thankfully, there are ways for parents to navigate co-parenting gracefully while minimizing the stress for them and their children.
How can people who have ended their relationship with one another find a healthy way to raise their children together after they divorce?
Prioritize peaceful communication
Effective communication is key to any relationship, especially those that involve shared responsibilities. People attempting to co-parent need to have appropriate systems in place to communicate with one another. Many freshly-divorced parents use a co-parenting app. They communicate in writing in one centralized location. They keep all conversations focused on the children. Establishing clear expectations for co-parent communication can limit the opportunity for conflict and help both parents better meet the needs of the children.
Establish appropriate boundaries
People who have lived together know each other intimately. It is easy for them to fall into a disrespectful, inappropriate dynamic after divorce. Co-parents generally need to create clear and enforceable boundaries for their relationships. Those boundaries might include keeping all communications focused on the children and respecting one another’s living space. Parents should typically agree to communicate directly with one another instead of using their children as messengers and should not attempt to interfere in one another’s personal lives. Setting appropriate boundaries can limit opportunities for conflict while co-parenting.
Prepare for changing family dynamics
Successfully co-parenting might mean sharing certain responsibilities and parenting perks. For example, both co-parents might attend sporting events when their children compete or school awards ceremonies. Having standards in place for maintaining a peaceful or even friendly dynamic is important. Rules about the presence of extended family members and new romantic partners at special events can be helpful. Having a plan in place for how to navigate conflicts when disagreements arise can also be beneficial.
Parents generally need to find a way to work together and present a united front to their children to keep things as calm as possible. Establishing a functional working relationship often begins during the divorce process. Divorcing spouses who can compromise and work together may have an easier time sharing custody with one another after they divorce. Those who acknowledge the need to work together and see one another for years may have an easier time adjusting to co-parenting after the end of their marital relationship.
